Surfing’s hottest power couple just announced that they’ve got a little sprog on the way and the internet is really pleased for them.
Well, most of the internet anyway, some people are saying horrible stuff, obviously, but the majority of the world wide webbians are predicting that this will be the most beautiful child ever created. So that’s nice. Jack made the announcement last night over his Instagram, saying ‘So much love for this woman @alanarblanchard and our little prince ❤️ We can’t wait to meet him ❤️ 20 weeks 👪’.
Stab pretended that they didn’t just read it on Instagram like everybody else, instead reporting that the couple had ‘recently told them’. They also used the announcement as an excuse to post that weird clip they shot of the pair. It begins with Alana standing in the kitchen in underwear and an apron holding a whisk but not whisking and Jack looking moodily out into the garden. Perhaps the grass needs a cut but it looks like rain, it’s not clear. I don’t know what happens after that because I turned it off.
Surfer were in such a rush to break the story they posted it with the caption ‘Some pretty good genres right there’ and even with all the excitement and good will in the air, the Facebook spelling mob jumped on them for it like flies on shite. The Inertia have not yet reported on the news, instead offering you the chance to start your week by clicking on a photo of a cat perched on a hollow wooden surfboard, with the caption ‘No, the cat doesn’t surf. But yes, this is awesome.’ (although we’re in no place to sneer at that one).
And ironically surfing’s biggest gossip mungers BeachGrit are also late to the party on the biggest bit of surf gossip so far this year. Sure, it’s 4 am on the west coast of the US, but you’d think those boys are seasoned enough journos by now to know that news never sleeps. Wake up Chas! report the news! otherwise they’ll be having that PEN Award (nomination) back!